So now that Mother’s Day is over and the focus will soon turn to fathers, I’d like to take a moment to talk about what happened in our house a couple weeks ago. We were sitting at the table working on cards to mail to all the mothers in our lives. We made one for Mister Face’s grandma, his mom, and my step-mom. As I wrote the names and addresses on each envelope, E4 would talk about who each person was. When we got to my step-mom’s card, I told her it was for Grandma.
E4 asked me, “Are Grandma and Grandpa Sir your mom and dad?”
I explained to her that Grandpa Sir is my dad, but Grandma is my step-mom, not my real mom.
So, she asked who my mom is.
I knew the day would come. I knew someday I’d have to sit down with my children and talk to them about my mom. And no matter how many times I’d rehearsed what I would say, I wasn’t prepared. I practiced my speech over and over in my head. I practiced not crying. I knew what to say. But when the time came, I was paralyzed. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t hold back the tears.
So…after a few seconds (which really lasted about 10 years), I told E4 that my mom is in heaven with Jesus.
E4: Why? (Classic 4 year old…)
Me: Well, she got sick.
E4: And she died?
Me: Yeah.
And that was enough for her. We spent the next 30 minutes or so looking at pictures of my mom on my computer (because E4 looks exactly like my mom!) I know I’m not off the hook for talking to my kids about my mom. I know E4 will want to know more. And then, when the twins start getting curious about family, I’ll tell them too. Maybe next time I’ll be better prepared? Probably not.
So, about my mom: she was pretty incredible! She raised 4 kids and didn’t go insane! Some days I wonder how she did it. I find myself needing and wanting to talk to her more and more every day. There are so many things I need to ask her about raising kids. Sometimes I feel alone in this because she’s not here. I mean, I KNOW I’m not alone! I have Mister Face, my dad, my mother-in-law, etc. I know I can ask them things and I respect everything they tell me, but it’s just not the same as talking with my mom. I know if she were still alive she probably would have moved in with us by now just so she could be here with these crazy kids all the time. She would just love these 3 kids, and I know someday she’ll get to meet them.
I don’t know if how I approached the very short conversation with E4 was the best, but it worked for now. It was easy enough for her to understand. But, now that I’ve done it once, maybe next time will be a little easier. Yeah right.
Don’t worry, Dad! You’ll get your very own blog post—2 weeks AFTER Father’s Day.