I remember the night well—even though you’d think I wouldn’t since we’d just gotten home with 2 newborns straight from the hospital, and I was exhausted beyond all reason.
I fell down into bed, and said “Can you feed them? I need to get some sleep or I’m gonna get sick. I have nothing left.”
Two hours later I woke up in terrible pain and was having recurring fevers and chills. I knew exactly what it meant, since the same thing happened after E4 was born, only not as severe. I had some weird infection. I called my doctor’s office knowing what they would tell me (go to the ER), but I hoped they would say something different, I guess. We woke up my (amazing) mother-in-law and asked her to take care of the babies during the night, and my husband (Mister Face) drove me to the ER at midnight.
I was tired and I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to sleep for a year. I said I’d had nothing left but the universe said, “Oh yeah? Take this!” I had a bad cellulitis infection above my c-section site. It was a serious kind of infection that caused me to be hospitalized for another week. We’d just gotten home from the hospital with the babies, and here I was, back in the most uncomfortable hospital room that had the worst lighting—the kind to cause migraines…
Luckily they put me back in postpartum and the babies (and E4) were allowed to come in and stay. My mother-in-law was up there too and I’m so glad she was there to help.
The point of this story is really that even when you think you’re too tired to keep going, you have nothing left…you find out that you do! Sure, you’re still tired, but you always have something to give. You always will find a way to take care of your kids. You always have something. It may be very little, but it’s there.
Moms, we’re tired. The kids don’t sleep well, they’re sick, you’re sick, you have a migraine (but not anymore! See my previous post about the Daith piercing!!), your back hurts… But somehow we find the energy to keep going. We get those kids dressed, we keep their butts clean and dry, we wipe the vomit off our shirts and we go!
Over the past year this has really hit me hard. I’ve struggled with feeling bad about how I parent these 3 crazy pants kids. I think I’m not good enough, that I don’t do enough with them. (Will my almost kindergartener ever learn to read?) But I have to slow my brain down, stop thinking that I’m not enough, and remember that my kids need me to be who I am right now. I’m exactly the mom they want and need. And that’s enough. And when I say I have nothing left, it’s just not true.