We moved to San Antonio almost 4 years ago. We already knew one family here, thank goodness. In an attempt to plug in to this new, big city, I joined a group of women who have young children (MOPS—Mothers of Preschoolers). Before we moved here, I had a full time job, and didn’t need to find another full time job here, so I wanted to have a community of people who are in the same stage of life as me. I needed this group and these friends because being a stay at home mom is not easy. In fact, it’s the hardest job I’ve ever had! Making sure to have healthy meals and snacks for this little human who very recently had stopped needing bottles— what do I feed this thing? it’s only got 4 teeth!—and keeping her entertained all day long until Daddy (Misterface) gets home is hard work! Being a part of a group of ladies in my exact situation was good because we get to tell each other about the horrible poop diapers and they totally understand and don’t get grossed out! They understand all the bad mornings, kids who won’t eat, tantrums, and screaming babies.
Here we are, 4 years later, and I’m a member of two groups that I go to at least monthly. MOPS and a Mothers of Multiples group (twins, remember…). I joined the Mothers of Multiples group around the middle of my twin pregnancy. If anyone understands twin pregnancy and raising twins, it’s these ladies. Because they, you know, have twins… So they’ve been there. They know. Or they pretend they know, like most parents out there. Me included.
So, it’s time for a confession. I’m a shy person. Surprise! Sometimes painfully shy, and socially awkward. I find it hard going to these meetings. I go in, sit down, and wish for two things at once—that someone will notice me and say hi, and that no one will see me and I won’t have to speak. But I go in nonetheless. I do it to try to improve my social skills and not be so awkward. I also am human and have the need to feel involved and desire friendly relationships. I go to these groups to try to help myself. I don’t want to be a hermit. I want to have friends and get out of the house occasionally. When I go to meetings, I feel so weird, so I try to use humor to help. Sometimes it works, and sometimes I feel like an idiot. Almost always, at the end of the meetings, I leave quietly, not telling anyone, because I don’t want to attract attention, or have to speak. Painfully shy.
In one of the groups, people have (very recently) come to me and introduced themselves, and saying “welcome, new mom!” I’ve been a member of the group for over a year… and I’ve already met you! Don’t you remember? It’s very hard to go back when it feels like I’ve got to introduce myself every time and only a handful of people remember me.
Anyway, even though I feel awkward and try to avoid conversation at all times, I’m glad I’m a member of these groups and I torture myself by going to the meetings. I’ve made a few friends, and know I can always ask questions and get help if I need it. I’m glad people see me and say hello and engage in conversation. Even though it’s hard for me and I don’t want to do it, it gets me out of my comfort zone (synonymous with “my bed”) and gets me talking. Maybe one day I won’t be so shy and socially awkward and can laugh and talk to others without feeling so weird. But it is not this day….